by Megan Burns
Hi, I'm Megan, and I am weirdly attached to tennis. (This has been a fact since childhood, during which I took tennis lessons and failed at backhands, forehands and everything else, but latched on to certain aspects of the sport that are both beautiful and orderly.)
When I was in high school (and early college) you could look at me on the street and say, "She looks like she would enjoy tennis." But today, I feel like my wardrobe (generally all black) makes this tennis obsession slightly (read: a lot) less obvious at first glance. So I am telling you now (as it is also the US Open) that I am an undying fan, AND I am about to give you the top ten reasons why tennis is the greatest sport of all time:
1. Tennis Courts
: tennis courts are the most fantastic non-swimming pools to ever exist. Grass? Beautiful. Clay? ALSO BEAUTIFUL.
2. The Commentators
: tennis commentators have (perhaps) the most soothing voices ever bestowed upon men. (PS, by men I also mean women.) Mary Carillo? John McEnroe? Please narrate my life.
3. Tennis Balls
: the sound of a tennis ball coming into contact with a tennis racquet is proof that God exists. If paying bills on time and holding doors for people resulted in the sound of a tennis ball hitting a tennis racquet, I would certainly do both of those things more often.
4. Silent Audiences
: of course, tennis spectators CAN get a bit rowdy, but the fear of being booted from a match keeps most respectfully quiet throughout the match. If only we could employ these same regulations to concert etiquette, we would probably have discovered world peace by now.
: the word "deuce" (or "tied at 40 all") in theory might sound terrible, but in practice (at tennis matches, anyway) "DEE-YOU-SSS" sounds like the most sophisticated piece of vocabulary one could ever employ.
6. The Wimbledon Closing Credits
: have you ever heard such a beautiful, magical sound as the Wimbledon Closing Credits? I don't think you have. (If you think that you may have, then probably listen to it right now and realize the fault in your stars.)
7. The Players
: what Adonises they are! If there were ever a more perfect specimen of a human being, I would like you to say so; I will go forth and spit on said specimen, because you are telling lies.
8. The Outfits
: granted I have shifted away from this type of apparel for everyday use, but I still appreciate iconic sponsors (such as the Lacosteagator, the Adidas pyramid, and the Nike swoosh), all living harmoniously under one non-roof throughout the competition, because sports apparel is beautiful in its own right.
: not to be confused with "asses", an "ace" is a shot which completely shuts down one's opponent in a single swift and debilitating serve. It is the most powerful move you could ever put forth on the court, and it is a testament to human strength / indestructibility.
: THE GODDAMN ELEGANCE OF IT ALL. I can (in theory, of course) be streaming the entire US Open on my laptop whilst all of $45 remains in my bank account 'til next paycheck, but it doesn't even matter; I am watching the sport of kings in my shitty apartment, and it therefore will elevate me to royalty status in the least likely of places (Bushwick) until September the 8th. And that, my friends, is #PRICELESS.
Megan Burns is the editor of BYT NYC
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